20 Weeks…

Back in October of 2007, Erin was working feverishly to complete the dossier for our adoption of a baby girl from China. She had been working on it for most of the summer, and had been pushing hard to get it completed. We had been waiting on one last piece of paperwork in order to submit it, and she was finally able to get it sent off. The next day, she wondered about her fatigue. Thinking back, she thought of how tired she’d been over the past few weeks and decided to get a pregnancy test just to rule it out.

When she called me at work my initial reaction was shock, revealed by silence. It was the fourth time I had received a call at work announcing the exciting news of conception, but this time wasn’t the same. Having just sent off the dossier to start the clock in the process of our adoption, we were initially frustrated and discouraged. Neither of us felt ready for a brand new baby – we were still recovering from Madeline’s first 12 months. Our first thought was actually “how could we have let this happen???”

However, for a few months prior to learning of our pregnancy, I had started to think about having another baby and, specifically, another son. I think there were just a lot of fun times with Micah over the previous year, and since we were working on adopting a girl, it seemed perfect to hope for a boy. The timing also seemed perfect for twins, but without the exponentially hard first year that comes with genetic twins. In my plan, our little boy would be about one when we finalized the adoption for his one year old sister. I even started thinking about what we would do for sleeping arrangements. So, it didn’t take very long for our worries to turn to excitement. Of course, I felt foolish when we learned of the diagnosis – I had gotten ahead of myself, and God, and taken for granted so many things. On February 6^th, Erin sent the following message to our friends and family:

We had our 20 week ultrasound on Monday with our regular OB doctor and wanted to update you on the details.

Very clearly, this precious little baby is a boy! It was absolutely an answer to prayer that he cooperated so that we could begin seeking out a name and begin bonding in a deeper way with the short time that we have left. Other than the obvious malformation of the head, all other aspects checked out healthy. This fact proves to be difficult for our hearts to handle. The grief has become more intense, but proportionately so has God's peace. It's the kind of peace that we can't understand or explain, and yet it is real and of great comfort during this time.

You may be wondering if there is any indication of what will happen next regarding labor and delivery. My due date is June 21st (4 1/2 months to go). The doctor's know very little, as these pregnancies are generally terminated in our
culture, therefore they have little to no experience and are unable to answer most of my detailed questions.

What I do know:

• pre-term labor is common
• still birth rate is about 70%
• polyhydramnios (extra amniotic fluid) is common
• labor is generally difficult and long

Thank you so much for your prayers and support thus far! It has been a great help to us to be loved and encouraged in a very discouraging time. If you have been drawn to pray for us, please pray specifically that in God's perfect timing we would be able to meet our little boy face to face before he passes on to heaven. Pray also for our marriage to remain strong and protection against spiritual attack. And of coarse, if you are led to pray for a miracle, thank you! We will hope up to the very last second that God heals our baby!!

Much love,
Erin and Derek