It is a 10-12 hour drive from Denver to Twin Falls, depending on the number of stops and the happiness of the children along the way, so we really needed to make sure we were ready to go by the time we went to bed that night. My mother-in-law had arranged for a professional photographer to take family pictures while we were visiting, so I wanted to take Micah, my 3 year old son, so we could get our hair cut. Erin was fixing lunch for us to eat before we went … nothing fancy, just grilled cheese.
She snapped at me as she walked back into the kitchen: “Can you help out for a second? The food is burning!” I was taken aback by her sudden change in mood and as we bantered back and forth about what was going on, she just came out with what was really bothering her … bleeding.
She was about 6 weeks along with our latest surprise (our daughter Madeline is 1), and we had walked this path before. As so often happens, the little things in this life that we take for granted change and the roller coaster ride begins. We had been thinking about traveling and check lists, haircuts and pictures, new babies and sleepless nights. Now we just had the sleepless nights.
Erin woke up early the next morning with severe cramping and we cried for our loss, but prematurely. No, the ride had not come to a stop … on this one, you get your money’s worth.
We knew the drill, so Erin rested that Sunday and we waited. Surprisingly, she had no further bleeding and only one more period of cramping, so by Sunday night we were allowing ourselves more hope.
First thing Monday morning, we dropped the kids off at a friend’s and headed to the Doctor. We both had a strange sense on that trip, and I told Erin that I didn’t even want to see an ultra-sound. “Just tell me if there is a heart-beat. That is all I want to know today.” Of course, I knew that we would do an ultra-sound, but we both think God was preparing us for what would happen next.
As the doctor brought up the baby on the ultra-sound, we could see and hear a heart beat and a little baby who was moving all over the place. As our doctor moved around, trying to bring the picture into focus despite all the movements, we made out two legs, then two arms, a torso, but she was having difficulty bringing the babies head into focus, or perhaps it was in focus? I stood up to peer closer at the screen, squinting as if my eyes were the problem, but I knew something was wrong. Erin knew it too, and so did the doctor, who was very gracious but, I think, hiding her concern. She recommended we schedule a visit with a perinatologist – a specialist concerned with the care of the mother and baby at higher-than-normal risk for complications - and I was still confused and just trying to come up with a reason for what we saw. “It must have been the angle the head was at … the baby was moving around a lot … maybe there was a problem with the ultrasound machine … etc.”
Erin wasn’t having any of it. We got out into the lobby and she turned to me and said that something was wrong. “They don’t refer you to a perinatologist if there isn’t a reason,” she told me. When we got home, Erin set to work investigating what we had seen. That evening on Monday, November 19th, she sent the following message to our friends and family:
Derek and I have been on a roller coaster the past few days and would appreciate your prayers regarding our pregnancy.
Early on - about 3 weeks ago, we had some mildly unusual results (a slightly elevated HCG level and less than perfect measurement of the baby in the 6th week). Since that time, the pregnancy has been uneventful. But, this weekend I had some bleeding that caused a scare, and then in turn prompted a visit to the doctor this afternoon. The ultrasound revealed a growing baby with a healthy heartbeat, but an unusual finding as well. The doctor felt the head was large and unusually shaped, and while sometimes this can be from fluid on the brain, did not appear to be the case. Worst case, the baby does not have a skull to encapsulate the brain (this is known as acrania or anence¬phaly- the baby is able to live within the womb, but the condition is fatal within 1 to 2 days of delivery and unfortunately, there is no current treatment). Best case would be just a bad angle during the ultrasound, but that seems unlikely. In any case, the doctor has recommended we see a specialist very soon and we have an appointment for next Tuesday morning.
The bleeding stopped the day it started and I continue to have all the normal symptoms of pregnancy. We both hope everything will be fine, but deep down, Derek and I already feel that the Holy Spirit has been preparing us for what is to come, and that what is coming will be very hard (I hope we are wrong). We are in a difficult place between rejoicing and grief - a limbo - that just drains us of energy. Please pray for our strength and courage this week as we process this uncertain news. Please also pray that the baby is okay, and if it's not, that God miraculously heal it. (If God brings it to your memory, pray for us next Tuesday morning during our appointment at 9 am as well).
We trust in a God who is good all the time, who will not leave us to walk the valley alone, and for that we are so thankful!
"Everything is possible for You. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but Your will be done." Mark 14:36
With love,
Derek and Erin Reiger
Thanks so much for praying for us during this time. Today, the perinatologist confirmed that our baby is suffering from a severe developmental problem called acrania, which is fatal. Acrania is characterized by a partial or, in our baby's case, a complete absence of the skull. We've been told this is a very rare anomaly, and the cause is not known. We don't know how much longer the baby will live for and it is possible, if not likely, that Erin will carry to term (the baby's due date is June 21st). However, even in that event, the baby will not survive outside the womb more than a few hours. So ... this could appear to be a normal pregnancy until delivery because the baby appears healthy in all other aspects, with appropriate size for 10 weeks and a strong heartbeat.
I do want to say that over the past week and a half, we have seen God's gentle preparation. Even in this difficult circumstance, we have seen His compassion on us. While we are grieving and certainly fearful for how the next 30+ weeks will go, we are also hopeful to see what God will bring about through this.
Thanks for your friendship,
Derek and Erin
